Who stole my words

Hey
Long time no write. 3 months in fact. Steadily becoming less opinionated - or at least less vocal about my opinions. The wind has been removed from my sails. Life has become intense once more. Can't understand this life. One minute I'm in a country that I love, the next I'm back at a place that's far too familiar to me, surrounded by all the things I thought I'd left behind. Words at a loss. Everything that felt real and inspiring to me is suddenly not what I thought it was. People are not who I thought they were. High hopes are dashed. I'm chasing my tail once more. Seek purpose in the familiar things, but inside there is this craving for more - an unsettled aching for an adventure denied me. No, this is not "the grass is greener". It's a true deep and spectacular longing to escape the old patterns, the old ways, old habits before they consume me entirely. I refuse to succumb to the lure of familiarity. That pioneering spirit is within, wrestling to break free. There is that sense of 'Calling' to be in this place right here, but who is called - I mean really? I'm not even sure there is such a thing. Did I just settle for the next best thing? There is a sense of place here, I'm aware of that. But so much emphasis should not be put on one small thing lest it fails - and it will do quite spectacularly. So I return to routine, allow my senses to be dulled and wait for something extraordinary to happen to me. Lightning bolt of inspiration? Or someone to walk in with a machine gun to end it all? Grim thought.

But at least the words have returned.